perspective series: comparison

comparison

noun

a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people

the quality of being similar or equivalent 

"The grass is always greener... usually because it's artificial grass."

That's a phrase my Mum likes to quote. I find it really funny actually (don't get too gassed if you're reading this though Mum). It's no surprise that we often want what others have, especially when they seem somehow happier or more fulfilled by those things.

The truth is, deep down we all just want to be happy. It's seems like life's big goal. We study hard and work to earn money, we prioritise our health and a good quality of life, we invest time and effort into meaningful relationships, hobbies, interests. We all want that intangible, inexplainable end result. The reason for our very lives... to just be...happy. Right?

So it's natural to feel hurt, upset, offended and even angry when something or someone threatens that happiness. This can happen in so many ways. People can hurt us, friends can let us down, unexpected circumstances can come our way. Whether they're intentional or not, these things inevitably happen in life and there's often not much we can do to completely resolve the situation. So theoretically, the "threatening" of our happiness should simply be out of our control....

...But the real problem comes when we threaten our own happiness.

This happens when we compare ourselves to other people, redefining the meaning of our "happiness" based on what someone else has. 

Someone in your life gets that thing you wanted so badly, worked so hard for, prayed for so much in your heart. Our circumstances are no longer good enough now that we know something "better" could be attainable...but isn't yet ours. This is undoubtedly made worse by social media, where highlight reels of everyone supposedly "living their best lives" are constantly being thrown in our faces. We can feel pressured to somehow keep up, or even one-up (if we're feeling ambitious), in attempts to prove (to both them and ourselves) that we are, indeed, happy. The issue with this highlight reel is that we never see the outtakes. The deleted scenes... and I don't mean the cute, funny bloopers where people forget their lines. I mean the bits the director would never allows us to see. These are kept as far away from the big screen as possible, hidden away so as not to spoil the illusion that they are, indeed, happy.

I can see an interesting link. Comparison often leads to a sense of entitlement. Think about it...

We are often content with our situation until we see someone (often similar to us) that seems to have it better off in some way or the other. We often can't help but compare our current state to theirs, leaving us feeling somehow less than... As if we've been cheated somehow. "It's not fair that they have this thing and I don't".

This can lead to jealousy, where you passively/actively resent the person for what they have... but jealousy is not the only destination... 

Comparison can end up breeding a strange sense of entitlement, where we not only feel we deserve what they have, but we can end up doing things we normally wouldn't, in order to get what we feel we deserve. Eventually, we can start acting out of character and lose sight of what we already have, all in a desperate attempt to persue what we think will make us happy. 

Sadly, the opposite feeling often follows; dissatisfaction with our circumstances and a loss of motivation for what you truly created for. We can also place unfair expectations on others when they don't treat us how we think we deserve to be treated.

I welcome you to join me in practicing thankfulness and gratitude more this year. I'm thankful to God for my life and all that He has blessed me with. The problem with comparison is that it makes us lose sight of what we already have. In trying to "gain the whole world" of what others have, we can end up losing what we've already got, to the extent of our very souls.

So I pray that God would help me to be fully content and rejoice in Him (as opposed to simply what He's blessed me with). Let's not focus on what others have that we don't, but being grateful that Christ has given us all we could ever need in sacrificing His very life for us! We were created for a living, breathing relationship with Jesus and nothing on earth (or anywhere else) could ever fill that hole in our hearts. That desire to "just be happy" can only be met in Him; we will spend our whole lives searching if we look elsewhere. Instead of pursuing the gifts, let's pursue The Giver.

Matthew 6:19-24 

Treasures in Heaven

¹⁹ “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. ²⁰ But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

²² “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. ²³ But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

²⁴ “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

~

Philippians 4:12-13 

Thanks for Their Gifts

¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.

~

James 4: 1-10 

Submit Yourselves to God

4 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

⁴ You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. ⁵ Or do you think Scripture says without reason that He jealously longs for the spirit He has caused to dwell in us? ⁶ But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:

“God opposes the proud
    but shows favour to the humble.”

⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹ Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.