perspective series: self-love

self-love

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The self-love movement has been around for some time now, but it wasn't until the last 2 years that it really became en vouge. It's clear that our society struggles with its sense of self. When self-depreciating humour is praised and struggles with mental health, body image and self-esteem are glamourised, it's no wonder that the message of self-love appears so attractive. It offers us a fortress and somewhere to retreat to; when the world continuously turns its back on us, it feels easier to simply trust in one's self alone. After all, who else will really have our back in the same way?

We've all heard those saying about "loving ourselves before we can love others" or even before others can love us. We don't need to scroll on Facebook or Insta for up to 5 minutes before finding some form of self-love/self-help message, prompting us to "love yourself first, gurl." or something along those lines. At first glance, this message seems really uplifting. Surely it's all about finding our positive traits, inspiring hope, boosting our self-esteem and helping us feel like all-around lovely people?

In reality, if we are COMPLETELY honest, the more closely we focus on ourselves, the less lovely we tend to feel. Even on our best days we can be reminded of how flawed and imperfect we are.

When faced with trials and difficulties, God offers us a new perspective, encouraging us to take our eyes off our situation and look up to Him. The Bible summarises this beautifully in Psalm 121:1-2, saying:

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth”

Unfortunately, life makes every attempt to keep our minds from this sweet, simple solution. There is so much to distract us and hold us back from the peace that follows when we fix our eyes on Him. 


But what does any of this have to do with self-love?

1) It is rooted in arrogance.

This sounds super harsh, but I honestly believe it to be true. I am a major advocate for self-care, taking days off to rest and recover, etc. But let's take a step back for a minute. When did our lives become all about us?

Let's think about what the term itself is actually implying. Self-love. To love ourselves. This sounds ok right? I can hear a resounding "what's wrong with loving myself?" Well inherently, nothing. The problem comes when we continuously prioritise ourselves over others and begin to consider ourselves as more important than others. If our priorities are warped, what starts off with treating ourselves to a coffee and a day off here-and-there can become a slippery slope to narrow-minded thinking.

Many of us have heard of The 10 Commandments and various ways God invites people to live for Him throughout the Bible. But what lots of people don't know is that Jesus managed to summarise every single teaching, instruction and life-advice into 2 simple commands.

Love God and love your neighbour as yourself.

This idea of loving our neighbour as we would love ourselves means that self-love in its purest form is a good thing! God wants us to be happy and confident in who He's created us to be, which includes taking time to enjoy our own company, get the rest we need and treat ourselves now and then...

BUT. 

Self-love in itself is not the end goal, contrary to popular belief. God gives us the urge to care for ourselves and our wellbeing in order to build up our capacity to love others. With the same level of concern we have for ourselves, we should view the thoughts and concerns of others with this same lens, as if they were our very selves. This is a serious and life-changing command, because it revolutionises how we see both ourselves and others. This statement puts everyone on a level playing field, humbling the proud and uplifting the lowly.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you."

~ Romans 12:3 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

~ Philippians 2:3-4

2) It distorts what true love actually looks like.

This kind of follows on from the first point, but let's focus more on what love actually is. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the Bible provides a beautiful description of what true, perfect love looks like. Part of the description explains how love is not self-seeking. This is the exact opposite of society's self-love message, that is primarily concerned with going after its own needs, not considering the needs of others. In stark contrast, God's message to us explains love as an action, something we do, coming from a heart to that desires to serve, heal, support and restore others. Ultimately, true love is supposed to bring life.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

3) It implies that we are self-sufficient.

I found my first few months of uni pretty difficult. Despite helping out at home for years with things like chores and making food, it wasn't until I came to uni that I realised how much my parents actually did for me. Things like paying our house bills or buying groceries. Whether it's being away from family, friends, or simply familiarity, I think this is one reason so many people struggle with mental health and self-esteem when they come to uni; it's the first time you're ever truly alone. Being alone with your thoughts and a new perspective on your life can lead you to search for a sense of identity in all the wrong places. It's no wonder the self-love movement is so popular amongst younger generations, who are increasingly more individualistic than previous ones, creating huge potential for social isolation amongst students.   

For people suffering with broken relationships, self-love is often the only form of love they receive, becoming a safe space where they can avoid hurt and heartache. Others are simply searching for answers, believing their place in the universe will be found by simply looking within one's self.  

The truth is, having to rely on ourselves all the time can be exhausting.

The good news is, while we were still a long way off, God chose to love us first, before we could even think of loving ourselves. Jesus shows us that true love is sacrificial by laying down His life for us. Being fully God, He humbled Himself to death on a cross. This could only be done through confidence in His identity. He shows us what it means to have a servant heart and a love that is not self-seeking or dependant on what can be seen with our eyes. 

"He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Saviour, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel."
~ 2 Timothy 1:9-10 

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.

~ John 15: 9-17 

Photos by Jasmine Arthur <3